If Only
by NoLifeXD
Summary: What if Brutus decided to turn back from murdering Caesar, from the last battle at Philippi? Three journal entries on three separate scenarios after their occurrence.
1. Prid Id Feb

AN: This was an assignment for English in school. I just couldn't resist the temptation of uploading it. :D It was supposed to be about if Brutus decides to turn back from making mistakes at certain times.

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Journal Entry 1:

_Prid. Id. Feb._ (February 14th)

Cassius approached me today, during the celebrations of Lupercalia. I'm troubled by his implications of Caesar's infirmities. Is Caesar truly so weak? I know he has the falling sickness, but there must be some reason that the citizens worship him as they do. The physical qualities of a man do not determine his ability to rule. In ruling, a man needs intellect and confidence, of which Caesar has both.

Cassius has been accusing Caesar of being like the Colossus, and us, his underlings. He sounds ambitious; his words of false sweetness nearly convinced me to join his conspiracy. Perhaps he views me as naïve and easily manipulated. But it is not so, Brutus sees through those sweet words. Caesar is neither weak nor as power hungry as Cassius himself is. He acts for the good of Rome and will continue to do so.

I do not wish to cause turmoil within Rome. If my perceptions of Cassius's actions are correct, then I dare not write the treason in which he is aiming to commit. I know however, that his rash actions would result with chaos. Who would rule next? I do not wish to cause a civil war.

Perhaps I should consider the Romans as well. The citizens do not seem discontent with Caesar's power, even if he were to rise to be king and dictator. I love Caesar, and I love Rome as well. I will stop Cassius before he is able to influence any others and act on his desire for power.

Brutus


	2. Id Mart

Journal Entry 2:

_Id. Mart._ (The Ides of March)

Cassius and his band of conspirators have just departed from a meeting in which we discussed treason in fine details. Perhaps I should recount the whole of last night. I'm so conflicted between believing in them or in Caesar that my words have not been coherent thus far.

At dusk, I received a mysterious letter which through interpretation, suggested that Caesar would soon be put in a position where his power threatened Rome. It implied quite perceptibly that something should be done about this situation. I am loyal to both Rome and Caesar, and thus far, Caesar has shown no signs of being corrupt. He has refused the crown when it was offered to him and he is held in great esteem in the eyes of the population. Ah, but I am diverting.

After receiving said missive, Cassius visited with a band of gentlemen, all off whom were dressed in conspicuous clothing covered with hoods. I know not what to think of this behavior. But I treated them as friends and listened, and gave my opinion. Oh, I was horrified when they suggested not only to murder Caesar, but to then do away with Antony as well. To hack off the head, and then the arms of Rome. I objected to this idea vehemently.

I'm beginning to suspect that some of these so called conspirators are merely vying for power and not considering the consequences these actions would bring; especially Cassius, who has been showering me with attractive false words ever since Lupercalia and obeying like a mindless sycophant, giving no objections to all my reasoning. Such actions do not reflect character I know as Cassius. The group concluded their plan of action for the meeting of the Senate later today. It involved the public murder of one I and all of Rome holds dear.

I will not condone such rash action. Caesar has shown no inclination towards dictatorship, and neither have the citizens shown discontent towards Caesar's rule. Writing all the happenings thus far has made it clear what my opinions are on this matter. Now, I depart to report my deductions of the past few weeks to Caesar. Caesar is stubborn, but I hope he will listen to a dear friend's warning.

Brutus


	3. ad XI Id Oct

Journal Entry 3:

_a.d. XI Id. Oct._ (October 4th)

I cannot delude myself any longer. I have tried, and I have failed. This entry will no doubt be the last. At the meeting of Philippi last day, I surrendered to Octavius and Antony. Cassius was furious, as expected, but the guilt of murdering Caesar had finally caught up with me. Cassius's words during our passionate argument unlocked a few truths within me. This is not the right course of action. The army will not be paid by the fruits in Cassius's itchy palms, and then they will have no merit of serving us. I cannot retract my words of defeat, for they were made truthfully and solemnly.

Perhaps a spectator would ask why I did so; especially considering that the events that occurred have made it impossible for me to be granted pardon. My reasoning was rather simple: we slew Caesar, the mighty consul of Rome. The one admired and respected by so many citizens. Words have relayed the contents of Antony's speech to my ears. Was it merely by flattery in which I was convinced of Caesar's ambition? Cassius persuaded me so well then. But now evidence has shown how Caesar cared for Rome. And the thirty-three of us butchered him with no mercy. His last words? They were directed toward Brutus, his friend, his trusted.

_Et tu, Brutè? Then fall Caesar._

Yes, and I Caesar, was part of the conspiracy that slew you. I misjudged horrendously, but words and remorse won't revive a corpse. Caesar's revenge will come tomorrow, when I succumb to my own fate, whatever it may be that Octavius and Antony decide. Then shall the Ghost of Caesar lie at rest.

I have resigned myself to waiting. Let there be no further blood shed for this grievous error of my perceptions, and the actions brought about as a consequence.

Brutus


End file.
